A Room, A Rock and A Light
by cake.and.tea
Summary: L has left Light for Mello and Matt, and Light discovers himself alone in a room with a rock. What bizarre things will occur between Light and the rock? Rated T for slightly illicit scenes, and downright strangeness. Slight Yaoi.


**_Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note in anyway._**

**  
_OMG I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, basically one of my friend's gave me the idea XP and it's based off an inside joke... which is not true._**

**_This was written as a joke by the way, so take nothing said in this seriously. And don't judge me for it. Please. :)_**

_**Anyway... enjoy?**  
_

-------

"What are you doing with that rock, Light?" Near asked the brown-haired man without a flicker of emotion in his voice, gazing at the older man with blank, staring black eyes.

Light stared down at the rock gripped in his hands, which only moments before had been in rather... inappropriate places.

"N-nothing," Light snapped, shoving the rock behind his back, and he could almost feel his cheeks turn a bright, crimson colour.

"I am not under the impression that it was nothing. I distinctly heard noises when I was walking up here," Near said, gazing at Light like he was staring right through him.

"It's none of your business, Near! Get out of my room!" Light spluttered, flushed with anger and embarrassment. He grabbed Near's shoulder with his rock-free hand and steered him out of the room, slamming the door shut and locking it for extra measure.

Looking at the cursed rock in his hand, he wondered why he hadn't closed the door in the first place. Obviously, in a hotel full of people- especially his cursed colleagues- how did he think he would not be caught in that rather illicit activity with the rock with the door wide open? He suddenly felt rather worried that his intelligence, or at least common sense, might be slipping gradually away.

In the end, this whole dilemma could be traced back to that wretched L. L, who Light knew very well was cheating on him with that blond whore and red headed gamer next door. It wasn't really that hard to tell. He could distinguish L's faint, delicate moans amongst the tough, rather aggressive ones of Mello's, and the quiet moans of Matt.

Their constant moaning and screaming had finally gotten on Light's nerves, when he had seen that cursed rock simply lying on the beside table. He had briefly wondered what on earth a rock, of all things, was doing sitting on their beside table, but quickly brushed off this much too logical thought.

In his mind he had thought the rock was staring at him, mocking him for losing his lover to the couple next door. Laughing at him even more for the fact L had left him for such a pathetic reason as "They're better than you." Better at him at what, may he ask? But L had never answered the question, instead fixing him with a blank look before leaving the room to join Matt and Mello next door.

Light had then walked over to the rock and picked it up, smoothing his hands over it and pressing it against his cheek. It had felt particularly smooth for a rock, and smelt like strawberries- like L, a little- which had compelled Light to lick it. The tiny pebbles and gravel clinging to the rock had fixated themselves on Light's tongue, much to his annoyance, but the taste of strawberries lingered in his mouth to create a sweet longing stir within him.

Light had stood there for a minute, licking the rock and savouring the taste of strawberries and ignoring the gravel stuck to the roof of his mouth- before looking at himself in the mirror on the opposite wall, taking in the strange site. A tall, man with brown hair standing there licking a rock was the sight that met his eyes. It had disturbed him greatly, so he had laid the rock back on the table, and gone to wash the gravel out of his mouth.

Yet this washed the taste of strawberries out of his mouth too, and they had tasted so good Light was compelled to go back to the rock and lick it some more. The taste of strawberries grew so strong Light began to suck on it- for it was not a rock of too great a size- and enjoyed the taste of strawberries that filled his mouth.

Light suddenly looked at the rock in a new light. Yes, it was a rock, an article of nature, but it tasted very much the same as L. So much so that Light thought the rock could even be a good substitute for his raven-haired ex-lover. Light suddenly put the three together: substitute, L, rock... could it work?

Immediately the thought that he was disturbed, if not all together insane, popped into Light's head, but he brushed the thought aside and then began to put the rock up his anus. Yes, he was disturbed... crazy... insane... but it felt great, remarkable. So he continued to this strange, peculiar act for around five minutes, and albeit he did moan quite a bit during the whole bizarre process- not that his sounds outdid the three next door. But then the albino child Near walked in, all white hair and pyjamas, clutching a toy truck and staring at Light with wide, black eyes.

Before Near could take in the full extent of the scene, however, Light had managed to remove the rock and fix everything up well enough... but Near, being of such intelligence, was of course deeply suspicious.

Then the scene previously described had ensued, and now Light was all alone with the rock. Remembering how good "it" had felt, he began to continue with his previous activities when the door was unlocked and L walked in, staring at the rock grasped tightly in Light's hands.

"Light-kun, may I ask why you are holding a rock?"

"No, you may not ask! Shouldn't you be next door with Mello and Matt, anyway?" Light spluttered furiously.

"I was asked to go find their missing rock," L explained. "I assume that is it."

Light gazed at the rock regretfully; slightly disappointed he had to give up his new found "friend" so soon.

"Um, are you sure it is? Because I see no reason as to why Mello and Matt's rock would be in our room in the first place," Light said.

"They were in here last night, when you were down at the bar with Matsuda," L said with a shrug of his shoulders. Then he held out a china-bone white hand for the rock and said "Please, Light-kun, give me the rock."

Light was too shocked from the previous snippet of information about L's whereabouts last nights too do anything. That explained the messed-up state of L's hair when he had entered the room after his stint at the bar, and the wetness of the sheets.

L took the rock gently out of Light's hand and said "Goodbye, Light-kun," then left the room.

"W-wait! L!" Light cried hopelessly, and then collapsed on the floor in a sobbing heap.

"How could he do that to me? How could he take my rock?" Light screeched.

Then the thought crossed his mind- why did Mello and Matt need the rock in the first place? Curious, he walked out of the room and to Mello and Matt's room, suddenly feeling a little brighter. Small mysteries like this always cheered him up.

The door was wide open, so he walked right into a sight he will never forget. He simply talks about it as the time he saw "L, Mello and Matt doing strange things with a rock."

Walking out slowly and quietly, keen to get away from the scene as quickly as possible, he went to Near's room and collapsed on the ground in another mass of tears, while Near stared at him oddly.

"This world is full of insanity," Light murmured hopelessly, hoping that he could somehow absorb some of Near's bountiful logic and common sense simply by being in his presence.

That's when his eyes drifted over to Near's beside table, where a large rock sat.


End file.
